So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
