Swine flu. Run for my life!
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
