I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize