oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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