I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
