I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
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