obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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