A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
