The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
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