Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
