It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
