Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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