i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
