we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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