life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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