If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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