I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Randomize
