Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
