yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
