Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
