They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Two words: nipple clamps
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