since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
We have so much sex to catch up on
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
