I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
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