Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
