I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
