I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
