Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
