I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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