sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Randomize
