I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
