It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
