I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
