I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Randomize
