Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Randomize
