God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
