I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
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