It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
