I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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