shes about as inviting as chlamydia
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
