Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize