My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
