theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
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