I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
