idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
