I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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