is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I currently don't understand fingers.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
