its not stalking. its research.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize