my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
ugly people sure do ruin things
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
