I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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