I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I faked an abortion last night.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
