Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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