I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
