Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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