remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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