we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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