So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Randomize
