I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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