I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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