from now on my penis is your penis
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
