I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize