My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Randomize
