First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Randomize
