Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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