dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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