i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize