Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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