why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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