I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
