well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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