It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
