two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
