Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
