I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
