just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
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