Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
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