just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
