This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Randomize
