Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
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