he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
this boner is exhausting
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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