I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
literally had 100 drinks last night.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
