I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
