If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
