I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
