I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
