just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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