What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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