Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Randomize
