ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
