Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
