he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
