Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
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