I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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