I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
i out mim tonsoeep
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