I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
